Chipotle Poised To Make Even More Millions Off Of Yuppies

Corporate white people mexican ford chain Chipotle has recently launched a new marketing blitz in the form of a lavishly animated promo video and free app game revolving around the exploits of a hapless scarecrow in his fight against the evil big food conglomerate Crow Foods. The video is animated by Moonbot and features a cover of Pure Imagination from Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory by pop music manufacturer Fiona Apple who herself currently has a Vomit Pop rating of 6.

Since parting ways with McDonalds, the company that Chipotle founder Steve Ellis brought in to expand the brand into a world wide conglomerate itself, Chipotle now boasts 1400 locations and rakes in a net income of $278 million a year. Its mission statement: Food With Integrity.

Chipotle can see which way the wind blows; yuppies have all the money so they are who you have to market to in the western world, and yuppies clog the parking lots of Whole Foods with their gleaming Prius hybrid gas burning cars. Yuppies want mass produced organic foods, they want cars that still burn oil but want to pretend that they don't, and yuppies, just like most people, want to be loyal to familiar brands catering to their isolated and inflated egos.

Expect this new campaign to sell a lot of burritos to people who otherwise think actual Mexican food "too yucky" and who, as a rule, don't like donating spare change to taco shop meriachi bands.

Oderus Urungus and Andrew WK Interview Each Other at Riot Fest

Heavy metal-playing, costume-wearing legends GWAR and professional party starter Andrew W.K. both appeared at Chicago’s Riot Fest in September of 2012, and Consequence of Sound's Rock It Out! Blog thought it’d be fun to have them interview each other. This past weekend, on Friday, September 13th, 2013 they both returned to Chicago, and it only made sense to film a sequel! This time around, the two titans of rock and metal discussed an array of topics including swollen hamstrings, W.K.’s recent stint as a DJ on Black Sabbath’s North American tour (Hey Black Sabbath, where's Bill Ward?), how to best record your vocals in a studio, and the rock star that appears in the famous Maxell ad campaign.

Some Say The End Is Near: WxA On Syria

By Wolf Animal

-From all I've heard and all I've seen, this place has broken my Flavortown heart.

On September 10th, Juggalo-In-Chief Barack Obama revealed his 6th Joker's Card. We are def going to war with the Assad (who are like the Nortenos of Western Asia, from what I can surmise), and dear liberal internet-haver, there is not a damn thing that you can do about it. All of humanity will soon perish howling as it is consumed by a fiery furnace of greed, corruption, and fire (mainly fire).

Horrible insects, overbearing anarcho punks from the East Bay, and fascinating radioactive fish will once again hold sway over the verdant realm. Sure, President Alpha Bro Supreme said he would pursue diplomacy and hold out to see if the poser mallgoths in Congress are chill with his unquenchable Masonic bloodlust, but if you actually believe that, I've got a Willie Brown bridge I'd like to sell you.

While there is no better time to freak the fuck out, smoke angel dust, buy Alex Jones water skis, and confess your love to the girl working at Tuttimelon who looks like a chunkier version of Alice Glass, we implore you not to shit yourself. Sure, it's easy to get mega bummed by Obama... back in the halcyon days of `09, every altwaver and cool scumbag tagger was all like "Dude. He's like Diplo, but the politics version" and now it feels like he's only slightly less depressing to think about than that one sorta racist puppet comedian. However, even in the depths of your noided-out existential miasma, you have a duty to yourself and others to arm yourself with knowledge (re conspiracies).

If you bro-hard-with-a-vengeance here in the Best Cal (re. Nor Cal, #blazeit), you probably don't pay attention to these morbid-ass world events because you're too busy practicing cholo font, doing sweet 10/10 flips on your ATV, and slamming energy drinks with hot ex-junky babes that used to party with Justin Pearson. I don't blame you if you know nothing of this Dark Carnival that we're being unwillingly plunged into. That said, if you got too many questions, bb... WxA has too many answers.

"I'M AN HIPSTER. HOW WILL THIS WAR CHANGE MY INDULGENT, FOPPISH LIFESTYLE OF EXTREME LEISURE?"

-Glocks: confirmed for popping

Ever since his first term, it was obvious that Barack has been in the pocket of Big Indie (was Obamacare anything more than a rouse to eliminate East Bay gutter punk culture?) , and he's going to continue to milk your precious bitcoins for all they're worth as the gears of industry commodify your once-sacred means to becoming a special snowflake.

Pitchfork is predicted to become a paysite, only US-born citizens will be granted access to dumb monthly Northern Soul nights, and the SXSW economy will soon implode on itself on a level that will make the real estate crisis seem like a warm, sepia-tinted memory. The real question: Is Needledrop a false flag operation?

"HOW WILL NORCAL BE IMPACTED?"

-Meanwhile, in Stockton

NorCal is safe because it trades arms with the Assad via Quad Bike routes and jet skis in exchange for Syrian energy drinks (which are a high-valued status item in Auburn, Oroville, and parts of Redding). If Syria is bombed, NorCal has threatened go to war with Oregon because #yolo.

"WILL FAMOUS LOCAL ARTISTS LIKE POMPLAMOOSE BE SAFE?"

-How will i Pomp tomorrow if i can't even Lamoose today?

Are you dumb? 1. Their bravery is as unshakeable as their marriage, and B. they probably made like 46 gazillion dollars off of iTunes, so they can afford a bunker...

...which brings us to-

"DO I INVEST IN A BUNKER?"

-"Honey, where is my alien bong?"

Hell yeah, you should! Plus, this is the perfect way to show the hottie (or nottie, as the case may be) that you met on Tinder that you really care about their physical well-being. I think you'll agree with me that safety is sexy, so what could possibly be sexier than a galvanized corrugated pipe shelter? It runs about 70k to DIY, but if that's too pricey for you, I dunno... try making cover songs on YouTube that every dorkus malorkus on earth is stoked on. That's what Pomplamoose did.

Holler at Atlas Survival Shelters and tell `em WxA sent ya! ;D

"IS IT TOO EARLY TO START PLANNING FOR MY REALITY TO BECOME A HIERONYMUS BOSCH PAINTING BUT IRL?"

-Tribulation Force is the best Zao record, IMO

Sure. Why not? Also, this is a good time to tell everyone how you refuse to have children bc "the world is fucked, man." This will make you sound super interesting/ dark at parties, and when you leave to bum a cigarette and play Candy Crush outside, people will be all like, "did you hear that depressive non-poser gothbro complain about society for, like, forever? He's pretty much the Crow if the Crow went to State and read Vice. <3"

Anyways, try contacting your old EBHC friends. Their knowledge regarding ways to bewilder authority, shoplift at BevMo, and take craps in public parks is finally of immense relevance in today's troubled political climate. And, besides that, I'm sure they'd love to hear from you. <

Flashing, Blinking, Dancing, Neon Colored Oblivion

Lacey Micallef churns out nauseatingly cute and colorful GIFs with flashing blinking dancing food and bongs and Gafields, the kind of nonsense that we here at Vomit Pop go ape shit for. Micallef works full-time as a GIF artist, creating projects for Tim and Eric, Frederator (the studio behind Adventure Time), and Breaking Bad. She has mastered the Internetz, the Hot Pink Godz are pleased. Check out her website lulinternet, a veritable Ouroboros of Eye Candy Brain Death.

Welcome To The Basement: Fritz The Cat